Me. Mello. The Greatest. Ever.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
10:00PM - #29: Fucking Frank
Gay people are stupid.
Wait. I changed my mind. I like lesbians, because there's boobs.
But some hairy-ass, sweaty, old guy? And ANOTHER guy? Yuck. Not cool.
Sydonai's hot. Hey, Syd? Do you want to make me a tape of some girl-on-girl action? That's the kind of thing I want from your store.
dirtyFriday, January 9, 2009
2:34PM - #28: NOT insecure!!!!!!
OK.
Yeah. I'd like to set the record straight on some things.
I'm not insecure, I do NOT love crossdressing, and I do not love men.
Any of you fuckers bring up ANYTHING I said or did, you KNOW I've got mega shit on you.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
1:31PM - #27: INSECURE!!!!
Whoa.
Man, am I insecure.
Maybe it's because my mom did crack, or because Near beat me at everthing... or because I have a small penis... but I have no actual self-esteem.
Now I'm super depressed. I'm going to go listen to Madama Butterfly now.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
2:49PM - #32: Ho ho ho.
Well now. Whoever loves me had better 'fess up.
SO many presents for Mello... and so well chosen! I need to be careful about all of this chocolate, or my girlish figure goes to hell with the rest of me.
To my "anonymous benefactor": Ain't you sweet.
OOC: While L will probably send some chocolate to Mello for Christmas, it pretty much goes without saying that Mello got all of the stuff he mentioned here himself.
amusedThursday, December 4, 2008
2:12PM - #31: Dead Fetuses
Ew.
You fucking sick douches. There's a reason it's "kiss under the mistletoe," not "kiss under the fucking dead fetus". Abortion is murder, you shit heads.
I fucking hate Christmas.
infuriatedSaturday, November 15, 2008
1:37PM - Entry #30: POOP
( PRIVATE )
( CODED TO L, PRIVATE )
So. Motherfuckers.
I found out that toilet paper rolls are really fun to masturbate with. Especially if you line it with stuff like craft stickers and junk.
Dorian? You still snotting around and falling apart all over everything? No one wants to see that shit. Also, I hear that Asgard has a banging hot redhead with a hot temper who's ripe for some lovin'.
energeticSaturday, November 8, 2008
1:06PM - #29: FUGGYOUALL
The fuck? What the hell was on board with that gnarly shaking rock-a-thon? Someone knocked down my POSTERS!
People are saying that it's Lina. I bet she was smoking pot again and that shaking was actually her snoring.
Lookit. I'm Lina.
HONNNNKKKHHH....SHROOOOOOO! HONNNNNNKKKKHHHH.... SHROOOOO! HONNNNNNNKKKKHHHH
Anywaaaaay. Since I'm bitching. What is UP with that new chick? The one who's all "Ooh, I'm so mysterious!" and "I'm neutral" and "I'm here to do business" and shit? Is she a hooker? Because this place is fucking SHORT on hookers. I mean, that Maria's probably the closest thing this world HAS to one, but she sucks. And not in a good way, homies.
I hope the new chick's a hooker. She seems kinda dominatrixy to me. That's kinky. And hot.
relaxedSaturday, October 25, 2008
12:03PM - #28: Suck-You-Bus
Mello is great.
( Private to L )
blahTuesday, October 21, 2008
8:13PM - #27: Because Asgardians Are Poem-Whores
Lina Smokes Pot
In sunny old Asgard, there lived a whore
Who could shake the earth with her tremendous snore.
The ground rattled and heaved and shook to the core,
And no matter how much, there was always more!
Because of her habit (and this I do know),
Lina smokes pot! In her bathtub it grows!
Her lids are so heavy! Her brain gets so slow,
And she sleeps for hours, cause doing stuff blows!
She smokes it for dinner, and eats it for lunch,
Cause pot leaves in salad make an adorable crunch!
She savors the flavor and I have a hunch,
That instead of that pollen, it was POT... a bunch!
dorky10:59AM - #26: Back By Popular Demand!!!
There once was a butthead named Mitch,
Whose crotch would incessantly itch!
He furiously scratched,
Till his balls were all patched,
And he sounded like a girly-voiced bitch!
weirdMonday, October 20, 2008
7:30PM - #25: Charles Dick--... hhehehehe.
The Scrooge Of Halloween (Or, That Old Dude Frank)
Sunny October's exciting and fun,
And Asgard will celebrate a Trial won!
With ghosts and witches and pumpkins, too,
At that party, there'll surely be lots to do!
But, WAIT! It seems that to spoil the mood,
A constipated douschebag fat senile dude
Will wave his cane at poor Mello and curse!
On the lawn he so covets, while he waits for the hearse!
His dentures will gnash! His balding head it will rear,
As he roars at the moon, and spoils the cheer!
The monstrous old guy will be mean till the end,
And Mello will always be his only friend.
hornySunday, October 19, 2008
5:13PM - #24: Hallowiener.
So.
It's coming.
HALLOWEEN.
Fuck. It's the holiday that all the stores turn into shrines for CHOCOLATE.
I'm starting to feel just like a rotten little jerky kid again. The leaves are changing colors and I'm just itching to smash some jack-o-lanterns or toilet-paper some houses. Hhehehehe.
Wait... what?
WE'RE not invited to Asgard's party? What the fucking HELL?!
infuriatedSaturday, October 18, 2008
5:00PM - #23: Some Fuckers...
So, Light's dead. Huh.
Did anyone not see that coming from like, eight miles away?
I don't think that anyone ever really liked him. In either of his lives. So, I'm gonna take the high road, here...
LIGHT YAGAMI SUCKED BALLS AND IT'S A GOOD THING THE FUCKER IS DEAD AGAIN!
jubilantMonday, October 13, 2008
3:30PM - #22: DAMN FUCKING ROTTEN SONOFA...
DAMN FUCKING ROTTEN SONOFABITCH! I HOPE HE FUCKING GETS A DIAPER RASH FROM WHATEVER HE STUFFS HIS HAIRY ASS INTO! I HOPE THAT EVERY TIME HE FARTS IT BURNS AND DECREASES HIS IQ BY TEN POINTS UNTIL HE'S DROOLING ALL OVER HIS FUCKING CHIN AND FARTING AND DOING NOTHING ELSE! AND THEN I HOPE HE CHOKES ON THE DIARRHEA OF A ROADKILL SKUNK BY TRYING TO SHOVE IT UP HIS NOSE BECAUSE HE'S SO STUPID FROM FARTING SO MUCH, AND THAT THE SKUNK WOULD COME BACK TO LIFE AND HUMP HIS LEG AND PEE ALL OVER THE PLACE! I HOPE THAT THE NEXT TIME HE WAKES UP HE'S COVERED WITH GORILLA PUKE BECAUSE IF ANYONE DESERVES TO BE PUKED ON BY GORILLAS, IT'S THAT FUCKHEAD COMMUNIST BITCH HEAD TURD FACE SLIMEBALL LUCIFER!!!!
enragedSunday, September 28, 2008
10:39PM - #21: Your Mom Ironed Bigfoot's Long Johns To Buy Fucking Cheese
Hell.
You'd think it'd be more... I dunno. Badass, or something? But, fuck. I can do whatever the bejeesus I want here. It's actually more like heaven, minus the virgins.
In case I forgot to kick em' in the nuts or something, welcome new kids. I hope to bully you at some point. And, Beyond? Yeah. Quit FUCKING trying to look like L. Don't you know that Light Yagami lives here? Things that look like L typically end up fucked by him. JUST so ya know.
Ummm.... hm. I'd spread some mean and nasty rumors with no basis whatsoever in truth, but THAT'S no fun.... so I'll tell the truth! :D
1. Light Yagami smells like pygmy possum yuck.
2. Sal has moose-ball syndrome. It's a tragic disease where you're like Sal.
3. L died. Maybe. I dunno. Haven't heard from him.
4. Dorian is in desperate need of a wild night of ruthless satanic hedonism. No one should remain that innocent for that long... it's just... wrong. Hey, Dorian? FUCK!
5. That Alessa bitch sure knows how to conduct the angst and drama train, don't she? Ride em', cowgirl! Ride them train nice and dirty-like and get it all on webcam and send it to blondperv2009@gmail.com.
6. Blythe is NO virgin, my friends. Last night was too amazing for words. Who would have guessed that under all those layers and corsets and shit, and under that icy yet vulnerable exterior, such a whore of Babylon lay seductively coiled? Who would have guessed that MELLO would hear those dulcet tones mewling his macho name in the throes of passion? Who would have guessed that those impossibly gravity-defying breasts were one-hundred percent au naturale? Not I, sir. Not I.
7. Frank. Frank is so old. I hate him.
( Privately coded to L )
amusedTuesday, September 16, 2008
1:04AM - #20: Brillo pad.
Eeeeeeeeeew.
It's gross and sticky and all over the place. I feel like I've been giving a hand-job to a girl who just had a fucking BABY. Just blood ALL over my hands. And it won't come off...
I don't think I'd even go NEAR a girl who'd just had a baby. It probably makes girls smell bad or something, to have babies. And it definitely makes them fat. Double-yuck.
Fat stinky people should all get ground up and fed to circus animals. That way, there'd be lots of circus animals and lots of beautiful people. An ideal world! See, Light, what I would have done if it had been ME with the Death Note?
dirtyWednesday, September 3, 2008
5:59PM - #19: Head or tail, it's fun to give and receive!
Oh, booyyyyys.
I'm Little Bo Peep today. If you're in the mood for some raunchily disturbing fun, you can approach me from behind. Then, when I'm looking all demure and tittering behind my hand and shit, and you're thinking you're gonna get lucky (I'm talking to YOU, Light Imagay), I'll SOCK YOU IN THE PIEHOLE with my crook!
My crook is PIMPIN'.
flirtySaturday, August 23, 2008
2:14PM - #18: A New Song
Hhehehehe. I'm bored. So...
Meine Damen und Herren... I give you...
{Sung to the Tune of "Joy to the World"}
THERE'S NO SUCH THING, AS A WOOD... VIB...RATOR.
IT'D LEAVE SPLINTERS, IN, YOUR COOOOCH!
AND CUM WOULD MAKE IT STIIIIIICKY, AND THAT WOULD BE JUST IIIIIICKY
(AND WHERE WOULD THE BATTERIES GO? AND WHERE WOULD THE BATTERIES GO?)
PLUS BLYTHE'S NOOOOTTTT A VIIIIRGIN, SHE'S... A......HO!!!!!
Merry Saturday, bitches! :D
chipperMonday, August 18, 2008
3:09PM - #17: D'oh. Hairy Balls.
"Nrbg em het osunds fo a etud fo 'teh elttl atehd'."
Trial buttheads gave me something that made SQUAT sense. It's all screwed up!
"Bring me the sounds of a 'tude of 'the little atehead."
What the hell is an "atehead?" Nothing, THAT'S what!
"Bring me the sounds of a 'tude of 'the little hated'."
More sense, but still. What the fuck?
"BRING ME THE SOUNDS OF A DUTE FO 'THE LETTL TEHAD!!!"
Fuck it all with rusty nails and squid tentacles. Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimy.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
6:23PM - #16: Yaaaaaaarp?
Lots and lots of people have been through Emptiness lately. SO glad I found a good place to hide! :D There's this one place where SPAGHETTI. LITERALLY. GROWS. ON. TREES. And there are these little pasta bushes... so cuuuuute. I fucking got on my hands and knees and ate that shit like an animal.
Anyone care to tell me WHAT is up with L and Blythe? If not, I'll guess and guess and guess until I get it, and I won't spare any embarrassing possibilities.
Also, did L die? I saw him earlier, but he hasn't gone back the way he came, yet. Did THAT get any of you motherfuckers' attention? Huh? DID IT?!
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